Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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