i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bring me that man meat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
