if i can run in heels then i can drive
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
being pregnant is like rehab
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
