In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We smell like vodka and hangover
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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