OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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