i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
