If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Randomize
