The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
