Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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