id be glad to
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
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But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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