Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
