so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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