Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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