She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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