PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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