I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
tell me about the fingering
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