Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
