dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This baby is an asshole
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
