should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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