coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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