haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
