he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
