i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a search helicopter?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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