You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
