He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
