Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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