You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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