so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
