8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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