I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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