He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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