Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
