So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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