life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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