I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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