I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize