dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just google imaged poop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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