I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
