She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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