we made out on top of his cat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize