i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
