I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
