A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!