he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me