you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks