just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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