Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
