just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.