There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.