I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
