Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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