ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
