my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how drunk are you?
Several
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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